When I first got engaged, along with all the congratulations came marriage advice. As a bride-to-be I was eager to hear what women who been down that road have to say so I too can have a long lasting happy marriage. I got tips like “never go to bed angry” and “communication is key”. I also got tips like “even if he cheats, don’t leave him” or “if you don’t give him everything he wants, another woman will”. I was often confused by that kind of marriage advice because I felt like we are, in a sense, enabling men to cheat. But in the excitement of the wedding bliss I never questioned such advice and rather nodded my head and smiled. Cheating is the last thing a blushing bride-to-be is thinking about anyway, right?

Six months after our vows, my now ex-husband cheated. According to many women, particularly the advice giving women I’ve encountered, I was encouraged to stay. I should have tried harder to give him everything he wanted whether it be more sex or breakfast in bed every weekend. That advice crossed my mind over and over and had me feeling as if it was something I had done that caused him to stray. But it wasn’t my fault at all. The truth is that no matter how much good I would have done for him, he would have cheated anyway. But I tried again regardless.

The infidelity happened again. I got to a point where I was questioning my vows and wondering whether or not I should really stay. I heard so many times from other women that “men cheat”. Demeanor cool and non-chalant as they were saying it. Any couple can work through infidelity and I definitely applaud and encourage it. But we have certaintly gotten to point where it is no longer surprising. We are expected to grin our teeth and bear it as it has become a typical occurrence in present day relationships. But why?

Back in the olden days, when women were not allowed to work we depended on men for our survival. If we had any chance of getting out of our parents house it was to get married. Some women ended up in terribly abusive relationships and felt like they had no way out. Some men were good, some men were bad. But the women stayed. Now, women have dominated the work force. Yet we are still treated as if we have something to lose if we leave. I wonder if the same pre-marriage advice is given to men. Don’t get me wrong, you should stay and fight for your vows. But by no means should it be a norm for us to continuously accept that kind of betrayal.

Be empowered. Demand fidelity. Pray. You deserve nothing less than to be truly happy with the ONE person you love.