When we started to think of problems in our marriage as processes that need improvement, we began to function better as a couple. For things to get better, you have to make a change. Having a better, happier marriage takes work. We’ve all heard this before. But nobody ever tells you how to do it or where to start.

When I was studying for my masters degree in nursing, I learned a lot about leading organizations to success. One thing that really stuck with me was how much emphasis you have to put into improvement in order to be great. In my previous post I mentioned how big name companies constantly strive for improvement even when they are already the best. There have also been companies that started off as the best, became complacent and got ran out of business. How do you go from being the best…. to out of business? I learned that when you don’t continuously strive for something, it falls by the waste side. This also true in our personal lives.

I see many couples so in love during the dating/engagement/wedding period. After the “I do’s”, and the excitement wears off, couples can get trapped in the day to day routine of work. The truth is that it takes way more than date nights to improve a marriage. And even if you are happy, you should be continuously improving to stay happy.

Steps To Improvement

• Planning- This is where you sit, talk, and come up with a goal for the marriage. You don’t want to go for big changes but rather focus on smaller goals. 70% of big changes fail. Work your way up. Once you set your goal, you should map out a plan to reach it together.
• Doing- This is the step where you are doing what you said you would do. If your goal was to make to time for more sex by putting the kids to bed early every night then you will be working on that earlier bedtime and creating time for that intimacy.
• Evaluate- Create a set amount of time (for example one month) where you will look back and see how things are going. Are you getting the kids down earlier? If not what are those barriers? Are you having more sex like you hoped for?
• Act- Here is where you look at those questions from the ‘evaluation’ and tweek the plan if it is not working.

This is very good guideline for setting and meeting your marriage goals. This is not limited to just the new year folks. You can implement this plan as often as you need to so that you are actively addressing the problems in your marriage and finding solutions to resolve them.

A Work In Progress

The key to improving your marriage is to never stop trying. Stay engaged, feel empowered, communicate, and never give up. Continuous improvement means that both of you are committed to the goal every day and you hold each other accountable. If something is not working, talk about it and change it again. Come up with new ways to keep each other happy. Remember that it’s the small changes that have the greatest impact because you are most likely to stick with it. So start small.

No problem is too great for you and your spouse. Remember to pray and keep God in the center of it all. We’re rooting for you.