Dating With Intent- NOT Desperation

You’re twenty something and you feel pressure to be married by 30. You’re 30 something and you’re playing ‘now or never’ with your eggs. You’re in your 40’s and you feel too through with the dating scene. But making decisions on who to be with should not revolve around societal ‘norms’, a biological clock or age. When you begin setting your intentions for a mate, your dating choices begin to revolve around the intentions you set for yourself and that future relationship. I’ve heard women say never to let a man know you are looking for marriage off the bat because you may scare him away. But if that is enough to scare him then I say let him go off the bat. Once you know what you want, no sense it wasting time with someone who does not share the same vision as you.

When Jeff and I started dating I made it clear that I was looking for someone to have a future with. He had the same feelings and actually said he was ready to settle down with a good woman. Once I knew he was looking for the same things I was looking for, I knew he was worth my time. I didn’t keep bringing it up or begin asking about a ring or wedding plans. We just continued spending time and getting to know each other and things progressed naturally. But we knew we were both in it for the same things from the very beginning.

“Once you know what you want, no sense wasting time on someone who does share the same vision as you.”

When you are dating out of desperation, you become so blinded! You give chances when you know you shouldn’t and you ignore all the red flags because you so badly want it to work. I knew someone who got with a guy who was all wrong for her and literally said this was it for her because she was getting too old to start over. Is the devil you know really better than the angel you don’t know??? No, it’s not. And it is that kind of mentality that will keep a person stuck in a miserable situation. After years of trying to make it work and putting up with his nonsense, they broke up anyway and she missed out on a good few years of her life that she can never get back.

“Is the devil you know better than the angel you don’t know???“

When you date with intent, you go in knowing what you want out of a partner. And you don’t waste time with the ones who don’t fit that script. That non-committer may be a lot of fun but if you know you want to settle down and he does not- stop spending time with him and getting emotionally wrapped up. Align yourself with people who share the same goals and vision as you do. People show you who they are from the beginning. Accept it and stop making excuses and giving 2nd, 3rd and 4th chances. Your blessing will come when you are no longer distracted by the ones who aren’t right for you.

“Set Your Intentions.”

When I first started practicing yoga, I would always hear the instructor say to set your intentions for the practice. At first I didn’t pay it any mind. But as I started going more, I began to actually set my intentions. I would tell myself things like focus on my breathe or try every single posture. I noticed that when I actually set my intentions for the practice that day, I did better than when I didn’t make that conscious decision to focus on something. When you set your intentions for dating, for your relationship, for your self-growth- you actually get closer to achieving it then if you didn’t at all. There is something powerful about our thoughts and it dictates our actions. Date with intent and you may kiss a whole lot less frogs this year! It only takes one chapter to make the whole story change.

Let God write your love story. No matter what you are trying to achieve out of dating, trust Him because He will never steer you wrong. We’re rooting for you.