This post began as a draft two years ago, when my youngest child was one. Today, that baby is three, and I have a new baby in my arms. So much has changed, yet when I reread these words, they still felt true. That may be the clearest example of the growing pains of motherhood: the seasons change, but motherhood continues to stretch us right alongside our children…

Just when you think you have finally mastered being a mom, something changes.

The routines are working. You have meal prep down. You are handling tantrums like a pro. Bedtime is going smoothly enough that you finally exhale. Then, without warning, a child drops a nap, develops a new fear, starts testing a boundary, or needs something completely different from you

Suddenly, the rhythm you worked so hard to create no longer works.

One of the truest things I have learned is that you are only as seasoned as your oldest child. Every new stage they enter is a stage you are entering for the first time, too. I like to call these moments the growing pains of motherhood.

We often talk about growing pains in children, but mothers experience a version of them as well. As our children learn, grow, and change, we have to stretch with them. We encounter challenging behaviors, shifting routines, and needs we did not anticipate. Even when the changes are normal, they can still be frustrating and exhausting.

Motherhood Keeps Changing the Rules

When I first wrote this post, my children were four, two, and one. At those ages, very little felt within my control.

I remember finally getting all three children into a good nap routine. For a brief moment, everyone rested at the same time, including me. Then my oldest decided she was no longer tired enough to nap, and my two-year-old followed right behind her.

Just like that, the routine that had been working disappeared. I had to figure out a new rhythm that gave them quiet time and allowed me to rest, too.

That was a growing pain.

Now, two years later, my youngest from that season is three, and I am mothering a new baby. Our days look different. The challenges are different. I know more than I did then, but I am still being asked to adjust, because experience does not make motherhood predictable. It simply reminds me that I have adapted before and can do it again.

Letting Go of the Need to Control Everything

The biggest shift I have made in motherhood has been changing my perspective.

For a long time, I believed that if I could just find the right routine, plan well enough, or stay consistent enough, I could keep everything running smoothly. When things fell apart anyway, I sometimes took it as evidence that I was not doing a good enough job.

But children are people, not systems to perfect. Each child has a different personality, temperament, and set of needs. Every family’s journey looks different. A routine can serve your family beautifully for a season and still stop working later. That does not mean you failed. It may simply mean your family has grown.

I began reminding myself, “Everything is for a season,” and “This, too, shall pass.”

Those words do not make a difficult stage disappear, but they help me hold it differently. When I reach a new roadblock with my children, I remind myself that I will figure it out, just as I have before. I may need time, support, prayer, trial and error, or a completely new plan, but I am not starting from nothing.

When a Routine Stops Working

At the time I wrote the original draft, our biggest battle was bedtime. My older two children would play long after we put them to bed at 8 or 8:30. Some nights, they were still awake after 10.

Talk about frustrating.

And if you are like me, it is hard to fully rest while your children are still awake. Their bedtime resistance became another growing pain we had to work through.

These moments are invitations to pause and ask:

• What is no longer working for our family?
• Is this a behavior problem, a developmental shift, or an unmet need?
• Does the routine need a small adjustment or a complete reset?
• What expectations do I need to release?
• What support would make this season easier?

Not every difficult phase needs a perfect solution. Sometimes it needs a practical change. Other times it needs consistency. Sometimes it needs patience. And sometimes we simply have to move through it one imperfect day at a time.

You Are Growing, Too

Motherhood is not stagnant. It is a constantly evolving state of being.

For as long as we are raising our children, there will be changes that require us to adapt our parenting style, expectations, and daily flow. The more I accept that, the less I interpret every disruption as a crisis or every struggle as a personal failure.

That does not mean I enjoy every transition. Some seasons are genuinely hard. Some changes bring grief along with growth. A baby outgrows the stage you wished you could hold onto. A toddler becomes more independent. A once-reliable routine disappears. You can be proud of who your child is becoming and still miss who they were.

There is room for both.

Caring for Yourself Through the Transitions

One thing that should remain top of mind through all these small transitions is caring for yourself.

Read the book. Move your body. Sit in silence when you can find it. Talk to God. Call the friend who understands. Find a therapist if you need one. Ask for help before you reach your breaking point. Give yourself permission to rest without first earning it.

Self-care will not eliminate the growing pains of motherhood, and it cannot fix a lack of support. But tending to your own well-being can help you meet change with more patience, clarity, and compassion for yourself.

If motherhood feels like it is stretching you in a new direction right now, you are not failing. You are adjusting. You are learning your child again, and perhaps learning a new version of yourself, too.

The routine may change. The challenge will eventually shift. You will find your footing again.

And when the next growing pain arrives, you will meet that one, too.

If you could use a gentle reset to help with these transitions- check out the Calm Mom Reset Guide.

I’m rooting for you.