Becoming a mom was so exciting to me. I would be joining millions of moms who birthed before me and I would suddenly have the deep understanding about the throws of motherhood. I’d be part of this illustrious club of moms- a village, a community of women helping each other out. But the truth is that it has been a surprisingly lonely road. As a new mom, I’ve realized that other mothers who have had children a decade ago or even 5 years ago can’t necessarily relate to my day to day with an infant. Other moms who are in many different stages of their journey and have long forgotten about the sleepless nights, the fussiness, the stroller days, etc. You’re stuck in a strange place where your childless friends don’t get it and your mom friends with older children just can’t relate anymore. It feels very lonely.

It was a rude awakening for me as a first time mom. How can there be billions of moms out here in the world and still feel so alone on this motherhood journey? I am clearly not the first or the last mom to go through hardships as a mother. Where’s my village? Many of us who have had children during the pandemic have the same feelings. No baby showers, no visitors in the hospital, no one stopping by to check on you and the baby. Everyone is keeping their distance and it adds to the feelings of isolation. It’s a particularly hard time for ‘covid moms’.

“…about half of new moms with babies up to 6 months old meet the threshold for postpartum depression.”

This is further heightened if you are a neighborhood newbie, don’t have family or friends around, or don’t have a partner. A recent study actually found that about half of new moms with babies up to 6 months old meet the threshold for postpartum depression. This is double the normal rates. Women described feelings of isolation, exhaustion, worry, inadequacy, guilt, and increased stress. Feeling lonely and without a village are affecting so many of us moms especially now.

This doesn’t just apply to moms of newborns. My daughter is almost a year old and I still feel pretty isolated. No play dates for her and meeting new friends as an adult is hard. Talking on the phone or via video chat is cool but adult interaction and socialization for your baby are important aspects that we are all missing during this time.

Where’s My Village?

I’ve found that online communities of moms have been pretty fulfilling. During my pregnancy in 2020 I joined a due date group where thousands of us were expecting at the same time. As a first time mama I got so many of my questions answered and it was nice to see posts from other moms going through the exact same things! I was never one to be part of facebook groups but I am now a huge fan. Even as a second time mom, I am still part of a new due date group because it feels really nice to have so many women in the exact stage of pregnancy as me. I’m still part of my old due date group because it has turned into an October 2020 mom group where we all ask questions and celebrate our babies’ milestones.

Another way that I’ve connected with other moms is by joining an app called Peanut. My mom friend recommended it to me and I’ve connected with other moms right in my area. If you are looking for more in person connections and mom friends then this can be for you. It’s described as the ‘tinder’ for moms. It’s been a great way to make local connections. They also have live pods right in the app where you can discuss various motherhood topics in real time with other mamas.

Other things you can do to help combat the isolation is to get outside more. Go for walks with your kids, head out to the park, or even to your local library. I just found out that my local library has events for kids so even on cold or rainy days we can head over there. Getting out of the house has been a really great way to put a pep in our step and break up the monotony of the day to day routine.

If you are struggling with depressed feelings for a prolonged time please seek professional help. Online apps and communities are great but they may not make you feel better. Postpartum depression can be seen within the first year of giving birth. Ask for help and talk about your feelings.