The question I’ve gotten more than any other since having my fourth baby is simple:

“So… how is it with four?”

The honest answer?

The transition from three to four kids has been seamless in some ways and challenging in others.

The Parts That Feel Easier

In many ways, there’s an ease and familiarity that comes with having done the baby phase three times before.

I’m more relaxed now.

I soak in the contact naps.
I don’t panic over every cry.
I’m less overwhelmed by the constant needs of a newborn.

There’s a calm confidence that only experience can bring. I know this stage is temporary, and I appreciate it more than I used to.

The Parts That Feel Harder

But while I feel more prepared this time around, the rest of the house is adjusting too.

The older kids love their baby sister, but they’re also learning what it means to share me in a new way. They want more connection, more attention, more time to do the things we used to do before a baby was constantly attached to mom. Each new child shifts family dynamics in different ways, especially in the postpartum period.

Our pace is different now.

Our days are slower.

I have to stop to nurse.
I have to stop to change diapers.
I have to stop to soothe.

And that shift has been a huge adjustment for them as well.

Every new baby creates a whole-house transition. Not just for me, but for the kids, for my marriage, for our routines, for everything.

The marriage transition that no one talks about

Adding a fourth baby has also meant big changes for my husband and me.

We have a baby rooming in again.
Realistically, we’re bed sharing because middle-of-the-night nursing survival requires it.

By the time the kids are in bed, I’m exhausted. Late-night talks and quality time together just don’t happen the way they used to.

Expectations have had to be reset for everyone.

This season has reminded me just how much of our home I was holding together single-handedly before. When I’m not operating at 100%, the entire household feels it.

Yes, my husband steps in.
Yes, my mom has been here to help.

But when a family gets used to “mom” handling so much, the shift is felt deeply when she can’t do it all anymore.

Learning to slow down this time

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as a seasoned mom is this:

It’s okay to slow down.

I carried life.
I gave birth.
And getting back to “normal” so everyone else feels comfortable just isn’t my priority right now.

In the past, I rushed my healing so I could get back to routines and expectations. But I’ve realized something important:

Normal is always changing with each new baby.
And normal will never look exactly like it did before.

How could it?

There’s a whole new life to incorporate.
You’re stretched in new ways.
Your family dynamic shifts.

That’s true whether you’ve just had your second baby or your tenth.

A different kind of motherhood with each child

Even after four kids, I’m still learning how to be a mom. Because every child needs something different.

My oldest is highly sensitive. My son is strong-willed. My middle daughter is deep in the thick of the terrible twos.

And now there’s a newborn who needs me around the clock.

That means I have to show up for each of them in completely different ways, every single day. And as moms, we feel the weight of that more than anyone else.

But I’m learning to shift my mindset from focusing on what I *can’t* do to recognizing what I *am* doing.

Because I am doing my best.

I am showing up.

Even if it looks different than it used to.

To the mom in the middle of the transition

If you’re reading this in the middle of your own transition, whether it’s from one to two kids, two to three, or beyond- here’s what I want you to know:

Give yourself grace.

I know it sounds cliché. But clichés exist for a reason and it’s because they’re usually true.

You are learning.
You are adjusting.
You are navigating something completely new.

Is adding another child worth it? Absolutely.

But it also comes with real stresses and real challenges. And that’s okay.

You will find your rhythm again.
It just takes time.

I’ll continue sharing the real, messy, beautiful journey over on social media and I’m excited to be back here writing again, too.

See you back here soon. Motherhood has looked different in every season for me, and I share more of that journey on my Motherhood page.

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