You marry your best friend and plan to start a family. You feel like you have your partner in crime to do this parenthood thing with. You’re excited for your new life as a wife and a mom. But then you have your precious baby and it hits you. You’re doing all the feedings, bath times, & meal times plus preparing meals for yourself and your husband while keeping the house tidy. You begin to feel like a married single mother. Why? Not because you don’t want to care of your family. But because you didn’t expect to carry the responsibility alone. You as the woman are expected to do the caregiving duties for your children and husband whether you are providing income or not. It seems this has become our cross to bear.

I sit and wonder this often. Is it fair? I always wanted to be a mother. I couldn’t imagine life without little ones running around. It’s the fairy tale alot of us dream of. Snuggling with your new baby in the beautiful nursery. Sitting out on a nice day while the kids play. Family dinner at the table every night. And a hands on husband & father who pitches in and takes the load off. But the reality looks like the exact opposite. Your new baby doesn’t sleep- so neither do you. Those family dinners are preceded by hours of cooking as you run after the kids followed by an entire clean up done by you…again. Your husband plays with the kids for like an hour and starts asking if you’re done so you can take them. Relaxation is the new joke in your life. And suddenly you’re losing yourself in this endless cycle with nothing left for you at the end of the day.

Self-Sacrifice

Motherhood comes with many sacrifices. Many of us know this before we have children. But so should fatherhood. Being a parent in general is a responsibility on both parties. So why is it that moms have to be the ones to lose everything in the process. We give up our bodies, our time, our boobs, our livelihood, and oftentimes curtail our own goals and dreams to be the mom & wife who does it all. Meanwhile it feels like life just goes on for dads as usual. They go to work, they come home and expect a home cooked meal, barely change a diaper, and feel entitled to a relaxing evening in front of the television. All while your job as a mom & wife continues well into the night.

Some days I feel like I waited for nothing. I got the degrees. Got married. Bought a house. Did everything right… just to feel alone and unsupported most days. Should I just accept that I will have to do everything for our daughter and him? Should I give up on myself and my aspirations to uphold these roles because I simply don’t have the support to chase my own dreams? Do I just stand behind him and allow him to live his best stress-free life while I do it all?

“So many of us go through these same feelings and thoughts in silence at one point or another in our motherhood journey….”

Don’t Lose Yourself

If you have some of these same questions in your head about your life right now- you are not alone. I’m almost embarrassed to talk to about some of these things because it feels like no one understands. From the outside looking in we’re supposed to be a deliriously happy family. And if you express anything other than joy and gratitude you’re looked at in a funny way. But so many of us go through these same feelings and thoughts in silence at one point or another in our motherhood journey. We are not alone.

We won’t ever have it all figured out. There will always be a hurdle to get through as a couple and as parents. Communication & prayer are key. Don’t lose yourself. And don’t beat yourself up if you’re not perfect. Because you simply can’t pour from an empty cup.